Fun and Information

If you receive an email entitled “Fighting Canaries,” delete it immediately. Do not open it! It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetises the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you attempt to play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator’s coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law’s number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
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Ninja don’t sweat.

Bullets can’t kill a ninja.

Ninja invented skateboarding

Only a ninja can kill a ninja. Regular humans are useless.

Ninja never wear headbands with the word “ninja” printed on them.

Ninja can breath underwater anytime they want.

Ninja can change clothes in less than 1 second.

Ninja don’t smoke, but they do use smoke bombs.

Ninja always land on their feet. If they don’t have feet they will land on their nubs.

Ninja invented the internet.

Ninja don’t eat or drink very much, and they never have to go to the bathroom.

Ninja always move to America when making a new start as a non-assassin.

Ninja don’t play sports. Unless killing is a sport.

Ninja can crush golfballs with 2 fingers, any two fingers.

Ninja have a bad temper when they lose at anything. They will usually cut off the winners head before they have time to gloat.

Ninja lie all the time. Even when the truth serves better, ninja will lie anyway.

Ninja swords are always straight with a square handle guard. Always. Curves are for girls.

Lack any personality

Wear headbands

Fight skillfully with any object

Can remove a spleen in one swift motion

Live in your house secretly for days

Can remove their shadow if needed

Hurl shurikens

Go anywhere they want instantly
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Love Letter by Maths Teacher
My Dear SweetHeart,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.

You are as essential to me as an element to a set.The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

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#1 Warren BuffettAge: 77 Fortune: self made Source: Berkshire Hathaway Net Worth: $62.0 bil Country Of Citizenship: United States Residence: Omaha, Nebraska, United States, North America Industry: Investments Marital Status: widowed, remarried, 3 children Education: University of Nebraska Lincoln, Bachelor of Arts / Science Columbia University, Master of Science Achievements: beloved investor is now the world’s richest man. Soared past friend and bridge partner Bill Gates as shares of Berkshire Hathaway climbed 25% since the middle of last July. Son of Nebraska politician delivered newspapers as a boy. Filed first tax return at age 13, claiming $35 deduction for bicycle. Studied under value investing guru Benjamin Graham at Columbia. Took over textile firm Berkshire Hathaway 1965. Today holding company invested in insurance (Geico, General Re), jewelry (Borsheim’s), utilities (MidAmerican Energy), food (Dairy Queen, See’s Candies). Also has noncontrolling stakes in Anheuser-Busch, Coca-Cola, Wells Fargo. Insurance operations flourished in 2007. “That party is over. It’s a certainty that insurance-industry profit margins, including ours, will fall significantly in 2008.” The Oracle of Omaha issued a challenge to members of The Forbes 400 in October; said he would donate $1 million to charity if the collective group of richest Americans would admit they pay less taxes, as a percentage of income, than their secretaries. Had long promised to give away his fortune posthumously. Irrevocably earmarked the majority of his Berkshire shares to charity in 2006, mostly to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Gift was valued at $31 billion on day of announcement; donation will far exceed that sum so long as Berkshire shares continue to rise.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

#2 Carlos Slim Helu & familyAge: 68 Fortune: self made Source: telecom Net Worth: $60.0 bil Country Of Citizenship: Mexico Residence: Mexico City , Mexico, Latin America Industry: Communications Marital Status: widowed, 6 children Education: NA Achievements: Second-richest man in the world this year; even richer than Microsoft’s Bill Gates, at least for now, thanks to strong Mexican equities market and the performance of his wireless telephone company, America Movil. The son of a Lebanese immigrant, Slim made his first fortune in 1990 when he bought fixed line operator Telefonos de Mexico (Telmex) in a privatization. In December, America Movil struck a deal with Yahoo to provide mobile Web services to 16 countries in Latin America and the Caribbean. A widower and father of six, Slim is a baseball fan and art collector. He keeps his art collection in Mexico City’s Museo Soumaya, which he named after his late wife. In recent years, he has donated close to $7 billion worth of cash and stock to fund education and health projects, and to the revitalization of Mexico City’s downtown historical district. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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He seemed very busy in is work , attending phone calls , giving and taking instructions

 TO DO list was getting longer and literally he had no time to take sip of drink kept on his table . This is his schedule almost every day …soon  tea break of 20 mint started .with a breathe of relief  he stopped all his activity and got ready for made him relaxed from the work pressure through  every possible means there.

A group of his female co-workers were passing by his desk and he saw his 2 friend were also coming wid small steps holding teacups…..rising steam made him eager to get it quickly but the giggles and the soft smell of ladies perfume were also catching his attention .

Suddenly he called out one of them from that group and asked about some problem that she was facing at the job place …though he himself didn’t have any bit of time to do ANY task other than his job but he seemed so concerned for that unrelated duty 

Many of his domestic chores were kept in pending box due to his 2 deadly jobs one after the other, required for his and his SMALL  family’s fundamental requirements. After feeling first-class in her 15 mint company he made promise to show her car to some good mechanic to tune it up …..

Tea break got over soon BUT “ GIVING an hour to kids for chit chat and play “ was cancelled from the RESOLUTION of his day as usual. “Visit  to mechanic was MORE important as it was the COST of revival in those mind-numbing hrs of job , directly related with the survival of his kids” thinking this and he became guiltless.

This is the grant of  ECONOMIC system developed by human minds, planned without keeping human  psychological , psychical and moral requirements in view . It is made just to get more assets in less possible time and investment.

GREAT MINDS!!!

Is there any other way-out to escape from its clutches???

1. The stomach’s digestive acids are strong enough to dissolve zinc. Fortunately for us, the cells in the stomach lining renew so quickly that the acids don’t have time to dissolve it.

2. The lungs contain over 300,000 million capillaries (tiny blood vessels). If they were laid end to end, they would stretch 2400km (1500 miles).

3. A man’s testicles manufacture 10 million new sperm cells each day - enough that he could repopulate the entire planet in only 6 months!

4. Human bone is as strong as granite in supporting weight. A block of bone the size of a matchbox can support 9 tonnes - that is four times as much as concrete can support.

5. Each finger and toenail takes six months to grow from base to tip.

6. The largest organ in the body is the skin. In an adult man it covers about 1.9m2 (20sq ft). The skin constantly flakes away - in a lifetime each person sheds around 18kg (40 lb) of skin.

7. When you sleep, you grow by about 8mm (0.3in). The next day you shrink back to your former height. The reason is that your cartilage discs are squeezed like sponges by the force of gravity when you stand or sit.

8. The average person in the west eats 50 tonnes of food and drinks 50,000 litres (11,000 gallons) of liquid during his life.

9. Each kidney contains 1 million individual filters. They filter an average of around 1.3 litres (2.2 pints) of blood per minute and expel up to 1.4 litres (2.5 pints) a day of urine.

10. The focusing muscles of the eyes move around 100,000 times a day. To give your leg muscles the same workout, you would need to walk 80km (50 miles) every day.

11. In 30 minutes, the average body gives off enough heat (combined) to bring a half gallon of water to boil.

12. A single human blood cell takes only 60 seconds to make a complete circuit of the body.

13. A foreskin, the size of a postage stamp, from circumcised babies take only 21 days to grow skin that can cover three (3) basketball courts. Amazing isn’t it. Thanks to science. The laboratory-grown skin is used in treating burn patients.

14. The eyes receive approximately 90 percent of all our information, making us basically visual creatures.

15. The female ovaries contain nearly half-a-million egg cells, yet only 400 or so will ever get the opportunity to create a new life.

9Climbing clock: It hangs above your head and starts climbing while it rings. Don’t wake up fast enough, and you won’t be able to shut it up without a ladder.

8Wake Up Puzzle: You have to build the puzzle to make it stop 8Wake or Curse : You can ask it what the time is and it will answer. But if you don’t wake up quickly enough it will curse you.

7Wake or Curse : You can ask it what the time is and it will answer. But if you don’t wake up quickly enough it will curse you. curse you.

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Dear Car Care Manufacturer,

This is not SPAM. Please forward to the marketing decision maker in your business.

I would like to make you aware of new opportunities to market your brand with the most visited site among car detailing enthusiasts, Autopia.org.

With its new charter, Autopia.org is an ideal brand marketing partner for your business. Our mission is to revitalize the car detailing enthusiast hobby and give professional detailers a vibrant place to learn and improve their business. This mission is my full-time effort.

Yesterday I announced the Autopia Marketplace Directory, a self-serve advertising platform. As a prominent name in our industry, I created a free listing for your business. You will find your listing in the Detailing Products section under “Detailing Product Mfg.” You have the option to claim control of the listing and make modifications by clicking the “Click here to claim it” link at the bottom of your page. There is no cost to claim your listing.

While not necessary for your listing to remain, I would appreciate having your business as a Platinum advertiser in the Autopia Marketplace Directory. During the launch phase of the new system, with your $350 Platinum listing I will do all of the work. That’s right, I will personally add up to ten product listings, pictures, banners and contact information for you. All you have to do is push the PayPal button!

This is a great opportunity to have your brand and most important products in front of more than 1-million people (our estimated 2008 Internet reach) at a ridiculously low price. Your product listings and coupons will rotate near the top of the second most popular page on our site, the main forum page. We are on-target for this page to be viewed more than 5-million times in 2008!

Get your brand and products seen by the most important people in our industry, the detailers and the recommenders! Claim your listing, push the PayPal button and let me do the rest.

Yours in Better Car Care Marketing,

David

There were once 2 brothers who lived on the 80th floor of a tall building.

On coming home one day, they realized to their dismay that the lifts were not working and that they have to climb the stairs home. After struggling to the 20th level, panting and tired, they decided to abandon their bags and come back for them the next day. They left their bags then and climbed on…………
 
When they have struggled to the 40th level by this time they had gone sufficiently mad and irritated. The younger brother started to grumble and both of them began to quarrel. They continued to climb the flights of steps, quarreling all the way to the 60th floor.
 
They then realized that they have only 20 levels more to climb and decided to stop quarreling and continue climbing in peace. They silently climbed on and reached their home at long last. Each stood calmly before the door and waited for the other to open the door. And they realized that the key was in their bags which were left on the 20th floor………
 
This story is a reflection on our life and times. All of us climb the tall building called life………..some till all the 80 floors and some less. Many of us climb under the expectations of our companion.
 
Time to time these are our friends and parents till the 20th floor, then our spouse and our dear ones till the next level of the building. We seldom get to do the things that we really like and love and are under so much pressure and stress so that by the age of 20, we get tired and decided to dump this load. Being free of the stress and pressure, we work enthusiastically and dream ambitious wishes.
 
By the time we reach 40 years old, we start to lose our vision and dreams.We began to feel unsatisfied and start to complain and criticize. We live life as a misery as we are never satisfied.

Reaching 60, we realize that we have little left for complaining anymore, and we began to walk the final episode in peace and calmness. We think that there is nothing left to disappoint us, only to realize that we could not rest in peace because we have an unfulfilled dream……….a dream we abandon 60 years ago. So what’s your dream…..?
 
Know your dreams and follow it so that you will not live with regrets.
 
Help others and thank God.
 
Accept yourself…
Believe in yourself…
Like yourself…
 
Inside each of us are powers so strong, treasures so rich, possibilities so endless, that to command them all to action would change the history of the world.
 
Celebrate Life……….