In line with our constitution and to eliminate discrimination in our society, the following titles will now be used for these jobs:

Garden Boy – Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist

House Maid – Family Environs Upkeep Manager

Typist – Printed Document Handler

Messenger – Business Communications Conveyer

Window Cleaner – A Transparent Wall Technician

Tea Boy – Refreshments Overseer

Garbage Collector – Public Sanitation Technicians

Watchman – Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer or Wealth Distribution Prevention Officer

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that… a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby – if given 9 Months.

Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby….!!!!!

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10.Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees

CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in.

Law 1 ..Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.

Law 2. The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.

Law 3. For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.

Bonus Law 4 .. Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.

[1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of history;

[2] a word that should be pronounced as “mirage”;

[3] an event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;

[4] a very good way to promote civilization — if you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher {Socrates}

[5] a process much like a cafeteria — you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best — and pay later;

[6] an event which is called “tying the knot” — unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;

[7] a word which always means commitment — but so does insanity;

[8] a ceremony favored in England — it’s the only way to beat their cold winters and lack of central heating;

[9] something that changes the demeanor of a driver — there is no longer any effort needed to keep both hands on the wheel;

[10] the only permanent cure for love;
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RIP     Requiescat In Pace (Latin: May He/She Rest in Peace)
RIP     Radar Improvement Plan
RIP   Ranger Indoctrination Program
RIP   Rapid Install Package (Altiris)
RIP   Rapid Installation Plan/Phase
RIP   Rapid Isothermal Processing
RIP   Rapidly Induced Phosphatase
RIP   Raster Image Processor/Processing
RIP   Rate Image Processor
RIP   Raw In-Process
RIP   RCRA Implementation Plan
RIP   REACH Implementation Project
RIP   Read in Peace
RIP   Read in Private
RIP   Readiness Improvement Program
RIP   Receptor-Interacting Protein (cell apoptosis)
RIP   Reconnaissance Information Point Read the rest of this entry »

LOL ——— Laugh Out Loud
LOL ——— Life of Loan (banking)
LOL ——— Labor of Love
LOL ——— Lack of Laughter (less common)
LOL ——— Lack of Love (game)
LOL ——— Ladies of Lallybroch
LOL ——— Lady of the Lake
LOL ——— Land O’ Lakes
LOL ——— Land of Legends (Canandaigua Speedway, New York)
LOL ——— Land of Lincoln
LoL ——– Lands of Lore (game)
LOL ——— Language of Literature
LOL ——— Language of Love Read the rest of this entry »

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work and divorce comes before marriage.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Read the rest of this entry »