Fun and Information

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1. A dog will tilt his head and try to understand every word you say.
A cat will ignore you and take a nap.

2. A cat looks silly on a leash.

3. When you get home, a dog will be happy and lick your face.
A cat will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.

4. A dog will give you unconditional love until the day he dies.
A cat will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.

5. A dog knows when you’re sad, and he’ll try to comfort you.
A cat doesn’t care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.

6. A dog will bring you your slippers.
A cat will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.

7. When you take them for a ride, A dog will sit on the seat next to you.
A cat has to have her own private basket, or she won’t go at all.

8. A dog will come when you call him, and he’ll be happy.
A cat will have someone take a message and get back to you, maybe.

9. A dog will play fetch with you all day long.
The only thing a cat will lay with all day long is small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they’re in pain.

10. A dog will wake you up if the house is on fire.
A cat will quietly sneak out the back door.

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me … They must be gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me … I must be a god!

“Excerpts From The Dog’s Daily Diary”
8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master’s bed! My favorite!

“Excerpts From The Cat’s Daily Diary”
Day 283 Of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
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The whole world is scared of China made “black hearted goods”

Can you differentiate which one is made in Taiwan or China?

Let me tell you …

The first 3 digits of  the bar code 690 - 691 - 692 is Made in China & 471 is Made in Taiwan.

This is our right to know, but the government and related department never educate the public, therefore we have to rescue ourselves.

Nowadays,  Chinese  businessmen know that consumers do not prefer products “Made in China”, so they won’t show  us  which is  made from which country.

However, you may now refer to the bar code, if the first 3 digits is 690 - 691 - 692 then it is made in China.

00~09 - USA & CANADA
30~37  - FRANCE
40~44 - GERMANY
49 - JAPAN
50 - UK
471 - Taiwan
690~692 - China

They’re written by Andy Rooney , a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy…….

I’ve learned…. That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows.
I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I’ve learned…. That being kind is more important than being right.
I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I’ve learned…. That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. Read More »

Anally - occurring yearly
Artery - study of paintings
Bacteria - back door of cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails
Benign - what you be after you be eight
Bowel - A, E, I, O, or U
Caesarian section - district in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - sheep dog
Coma - a punctuation mark
Condom - small apartment complex
Congenital - friendly
D+C - where Washington is
Diaphragm - drawing in geometry
Diarrhea - journal of daily events
Dilate - to live long
Enema - not a friend
Fallopian Tube - part of a tv set
Fester - quicker
Fetus - character in “Gunsmoke”
Fibula - a small lie
G.I. Series - soldiers’ ball game
Grippe - suitcase
Hangnail - coat hook
Impotent - distinguished, well known
Intense pain - torture in a teepee
Labor pain - got hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor’s cane
Menopause - button on the VHS remote control
Menstrual cycle - thing with three wheels
Morbid - higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - was aware of
Outpatient - person who had fainted
Pap smear - fatherhood test
Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
Post operative - letter carrier
Protein - favoring young people
Rectum - d*mn near killed ‘em
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rheumatic - amorous
Scar - rolled tobacco leaf
Scrotum - small planet near Uranus
Secretion - hiding anything
Seizure - Roman emperor
Serology - study of knighthood
Tablet - small tablet
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Testicles - found on an octopus
Tibia - country in North Africa
Tumor - an extra pair
Umbilical chord - part of a parachute
Urine - opposite of you’re out
Vagina - heart trouble
Varicose - located nearby
Vein - conceited
Vulva - automobile from Sweden

According to the latest report in the New York Times, a famous astrologist has made these predictions:

Sarah Palin will divorce her husband and will marry Asif Ali Zardari.

Then Palin will be elected Vice President of USA.

President McCain will die of old age and natural causes.

Palin will become President of the USA.

After Palin gets killed by an unknown group of  ‘terrorists’, her hastily handwritten last will and testament will be discovered by her husband Zardari.

Her will will say ” Zardari will inherit my presidency after my death”.  This will be frantically waved (once) in front of the Congress. It will than be put into an envelope and will replace the Declaration of Independence document. Public viewing of the same will not be allowed. Asif Ali Zardari will declare the FBI incompetent in the investigation of Palin’s murder, and will eventually ask the UN to investigate.

Zardari will become the next President of the USA.

The Republican Party will be renamed the Peoples Party of America, and Asif Ali Zardari will also be Co-Chairman.

JFK Airport will be renamed as Shaheed Mohtarma Benazir Bhutto International Airport of New York City.
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