Fun and Information

1: Our heart beats around 100,00 times every day.

2: Our blood is on a 60,000-mile journey.

3: Our eyes can distinguish up to one million colour surfaces and take in more information than the largest telescope known to man.

4: Our lungs inhale over two million liters of air every day, without even thinking. They are large enough to cover a tennis court.

5: Our hearing is so sensitive it can distinguish between hundreds of thousands of different sounds.

6: Our sense of touch is more refined than any device ever created.

7: Our brain is more complex than the most powerful computer and has over 100 billion nerve cells.

8: We give birth to 100 billion red cells every day.

9: When we touch something, we send a message to our brain at 124 mph.

10: We have over 600 muscles.

11: We exercise at least 30 muscles when we smile.

12: We are about 70 percent water.

13: We make one liter of saliva a day.

14: Our nose is our personal air-conditioning system,it warms cold air, cools hot air and filters impurities.

15: In one square inch of our hand we have nine feet of blood vessels,600 pain sensors, 9000 nerve endings, 36 heat sensors and 75 pressure sensors.

16: We have copper, zinc, cobalt, calcium, manganese, phosphates, nickeland silicon in our bodies.

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: floors, sweeping, and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day.” Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, “Well, then, that means that you virtually don’t exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed.”

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25-pound flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than two hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100 percent profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night.

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I never knew Microsoft had an inbuilt game designed in IE explorer, to see just copy and paste the following in the address bar of internet explorer and press enter. It works even though you don’t have Internet U can play this game using this JavaScript program….let’s try….

Select the whole text below, copy it and then paste all in the address bar of internet explorer ….

javascript:function reverse() { var  inp = “  !!!    mih morf gnihtemos nrael ot  yrT\n!!!…ylerecnis gnikrow si ” rafnazahG” woh eeS !!… !!!krow ruoy oD  .!!!!siht rof uoy gniyap ton si YNAPMOC ruoY  ?krow ruoy ot noitnetta gniyap ton uoy era yhW”; var outp =”"; for (i= 0; i <= inp.length;i++) { outp = inp.charAt (i) + outp ; }alert(outp);};  reverse() Regards

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they’re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss and  you will get caught , your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You’re not a loafer, you’re a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work, it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and
rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing ,they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s to way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ  the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn’t involve you.

The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is “Ignore my last message. I took care of it.” If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, “Sorry, this mailbox is full” a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

Three things are certain.
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

The file you need.
might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, reboot.
Order shall return.

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Once during a Management training program, a team of Senior Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So these Managers went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape.They’re falling off the ladders, dropping the measuring tape , the whole thing is just a mess.

An Engineer comes along and sees what they’re trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers,Re-erects the flagpole and walks straight-away.

After the Engineer has gone, one Manager turns to another and laughs …
“Isn’t that just like an engineer? We’re looking for height and he gives the length!”

Moral: No matter what good you do, Managers can always find fault in you.

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district. Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

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School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work and divorce comes before marriage.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

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Study these brain teasers and answer the questions!

1: A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2: A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3: Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

4: This is an unusual paragraph. I’m curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

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